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A Guide For the Perplexed - About Exhibitionism

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2015 9:12 pm    Post subject: A Guide For the Perplexed - About Exhibitionism Reply with quote

Della has a magnetic attraction for men, most of whom are intelligent, kind, generous and interested in her. Unfortunately, she's not interested in them.

She always runs after 'bad boys' with more than a hint of danger. I don't know if she's looking for love in all the wrong places or for abuse in all the right places.

She was a bit worried about one of her followers who was giving off the wrong vibes and was 'a bit of a groper.' Yesterday I was in Wetherspoons in Abergavenny when this chap - I will call him Tarquin - came and sat at the same table.

In the middle of inconsequential chitchat, he asked me if I'd like to look at a picture on his mobile phone. He indicated that it was a bit risqué so I declined.

After a bit, he asked me again if I'd like to see it. I said, ''Will it make me blush?'' He said ''No'' so I looked at it.

It's true it didn't make me blush. It made me blench instead.

It was close up film coverage of his erect penis with a hand moving up and down it. I thought it might be someone else's hand but it was apparently his own.

There was a part two where presumably he imitates Krakatoa erupting. I declined to look at that.

I've had about as much sexual experience as the average person of my age if no more. I've also worked as a nude life model for artists, sometimes with a nude male model present at well.

From the time I was at secondary school, my gigantic mammary glands have been grabbed at by boys of my own age and men old enough to know better. I've also had other experiences which would be classed as sexual assault today such as frottage.

So perhaps it's surprising that I found the incident yesterday shocking and upsetting, although it took a while for the feelings to sink in. At the time I tried to look indifferent.

''Did you enjoy that?'' asked Tarquin. ''No'', I replied bleakly, ''Women don't like pornography.''

I shall avoid Tarquin from now on. I don't know how to interpret his behaviour. Is it the electronic equivalent of flashing which is intended to shock and disgust, and could land the offender in prison?

Or does the misguided chap think he's giving a woman a treat just as it would be for a man to look at a naked woman or her parts as long as she is attractive?

A somewhat dodgy male friend invited me back to his flat once, and showed me his collection of pornography. He probably thought I would find it exciting.

I consulted the internet. Some young men are unsure about the etiquette, and ask ''When is it appropriate to send a lady a phone pic of my penis?''

I feel I'm qualified to give the perplexed some good advice here. Never!

It may be presumptuous for me to speak for all women, but I have enough hubris to do it. Gay men may appreciate pictures like this. Women just don't.

Men are easily aroused by visual stimuli. For women, sexual arousal is a more holistic experience.

It's about the whole person. Women do get aroused by tasteful erotica and poetry like 'St Agnes' Eve.'

It's not that they don't find the masculine physique attractive. They do.

But for some reason, they don't find the male member visually attractive although it may give them a great deal of pleasure to feel it if they are capable of experiencing vaginal orgasm. This may seem surprising from an evolutionary perspective but it is a fact.

Elaine Morgan would put it down to the organ evoking mixed feelings. After all, it can be used as a weapon instead of an aid to pleasure.

For women, especially mature women, sex is pointless unless it is an expression of love and intimacy or at least has some ritual semblance of romance.

When it occurs to a woman that she has just been used for a cheap thrill, she will most often experience post coital tristesse.

You can find tremendous online versions of 'My luve is like a Red Red Rose' and 'Green grow the Rashes O', which make you feel warm all over.

Rabbie Burns was a bit of a pornographer. He also had versions of 'Green Grow the Rashes O' that elicit quite different feelings. They are about vaginas that are always ready.

There is nothing in these verses about the women they are attached to. And the verses are quite upsetting. They are only interested in parts of people.

Pornography in print media is unappealing because the people who are contorting themselves in heaps don't look as if there is any joy in it for them. Their eyes are expressionless, like the eyes of a fish lying dead on a slab.

In short, this is my advice to someone considering sending a lady a phone picture of his penis: for God's sake don't do it!

At best she'll think you're a pathetic loser and avoid you, or invite her friends to laugh at you. At worst, she'll think you're deliberately harassing her, and inform the police.

Crying or Very sad

Last edited by marianneh on Wed Nov 22, 2017 12:55 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2015 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Marianne,

thanks for that - it put a big smile on my face and I had a couple of belly laughs from it : but now we all ought to be grandparents - the generational differences ought to be obvious ... if you do not mind me mentioning the fact that you have kids, did this issue of boys presenting girls with mobile phone pictures of their genitalia ( or may be vice versa ) ever come up for you ?

Of my four adoptive nieces' school lives I knew very little, except that this issue did in fact crop up when one of them was at school and whilst I chose not to discuss it with her other than to raise an eyebrow as she related the tale I did ponder upon it ...

... On the one hand it was a sort of school yard craze of the sort that surely has antecedents in that stories of kids examining each others' bodies in a flirty sort of way have always been around, it seems to be a common pubescent activity and the only sort of worry that I ever had about it was as to the peer pressure that might be involved to follow the leader and of course the ambition to prove themselves which tends to be boys, but girls are not immune to his impulse either ...

... I think the trouble for pubescents is their being taken by surprise by their own development and sexual responses, the pleasure, anxiety and puzzlement of it - and that crazy teenage urge to experiment with it ... as Embarrassing Uncle I have been subjected to some odd attitudes ranging from outbursts of effusive affection through to being sternly told to stand nowhere near them until my money is required for their purchases ...

... More often than not there is that period of several years when I get classified along with the furniture and my remarks are met with sideways silent gazes of scorn or studied disinterest with pronouncements of " Yeah - whatever ! " etc or those thankfully rare occasions when I am deemed a safe target for explosions of rage which probably would not be delivered upon their Mums ...

... Inevitably they spend a lot of time in conversations with their own crew, whilst eying up those boys who seem to be very preoccupied in impressing them without engaging in eye contact - until it seems to me that Alpha female gives Alpha male The Look whilst simultaneously checking out her own crew's opinion of him and those two join the two crews together, Alpha female distributing her friends to his for their forays out of the school gates ...

... this to me seems to be the dodgy moment when they are looking for something to do, which typically means the boys finding things to impress the girls with whilst the girls ... well ... I suspect encourage them to impress them some more ; I suspect that this is where the mobile phone pictures come in, that it may be more bravado on the boys part and curiousity on the girls' part ...

... Now underlying all of this are all of their families' social norms but this seems to me to be also the clashing into gear of the girls' crews' culture which in my day included a lot more actual information which they culled from Cosmopolitan and the boys' crews' culture which mostly came out of Playboy or worse ... but then the extent of parental instruction as to the opposite sex for our generation was still " DON'T ! "

Surely a lot of the political aspect of the situation lies in the relationships these pubscents have with their families when their own sense of self is now oriented to their peer group but they have difficulty negotiating the economic imbalances e.g. perhaps dependent upon their parents for cash and not having as much as their peers and the horror of being the odd one out without a boy/girl friend ...

... That relationship - typically for both boys and girls - with their mothers going through their bedrooms and discovering that their daughter has got a vibrator or their son has been experimenting with condoms or - this is the killer embarrassment for boys - what do I do with this ? i.e. with a palm full of semen which they can hardly wander downstairs with to ask their parents about in most families ... but some families are different ?

I have barely addressed the issue of girls and pornography, but I think that they are interested in it and that they do copy it without really thinking about it ... The subject has never come up for me because my role is to stop them sticking their fingers into things when small, defending myself from them jumping on me when they are bigger, and doing what I am told as soon as they are nearly adults ...

... I am an occasional viewer of pornography and it makes me wince and shudder at the way relationships are portrayed, and I do not like the idea that pre-pubescent children are accessing these images - but I invite you to look at this, which has a free preview video, a website called Beautiful Agony in which men and women are ( apparently ) masturbating freely and unselfconsciously and what the viewer sees is their exerience of their own sexual pleasure in head and shoulders shots : it is something which I would have no difficulty in recommending to 14+ kids a year or so past puberty - in order to pre-empt their likely later encounters with hard porn - because these are realistic if not exactly real, and there are some full length ones on Vimeo for free.


FREE PREVIEW ON LEFT HAND COLUMN - http://www.beautifulagony.com/public/main.php

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 2:02 am    Post subject: etiquette Reply with quote

I don't think, I said, did I, Dai, that I have a maniacal hatred of mushrooms? So, if I am shown pictures of something which resembles this obscene life form, I don't react well.

I'm cool with my kids having angel bites and other piercings because it shows they're keeping up with their friends and are not outsiders or the male equivalent of frumps. But it would be a bit intrusive to ask if they send pictures like this to girls whose approval they crave.

I suppose one problem some people may have is that it's a bit narcissistic. I'm reminded of an acquaintance with an over inflated ego who goes up to strange women and says, ''I'm attractive and intelligent. Will you have sex with me?''

This chat up line has never once worked, but he has great faith in it. He lives in hope.

The time was when it was considered appropriate to compliment the other person, not yourself. I really don't know what's considered normal these days.

When I went to see a friend in a mental hospital, she started moaning about my life modelling. She groaned, ''So, it's come to this! You've got to expose your body in an artist's studio! Can't you even have a bit of cloth to cover your private parts?''

She thought it was the equivalent of working in a strip joint which, of course, it is not. I don't think she's any expert on how to conduct yourself in society without causing alarm and offence or she wouldn't have been in a mental hospital.

On this occasion, she had been upset because it was Hallowe'en which she thought was a Satanist festival. So she set off the alarms in the CRI.

A posse of policemen came pouring in. One put out his palm to restrain her, so she jumped on his toes and then kicked him in the balls.

She was very self righteous about his colleagues tackling her to the ground. ''Six against one'' she sighed, as if talking about school bullies. I don't know what she expected them to do.

Apparently, artists in life classes do prefer female models. One lady had no problem with nudity but was upset because the male model had not only developed an erection but also ejaculated.

I don't know what to make of this. She obviously thought he was doing it on purpose to annoy people. But how can you tell, especially if you are not constructed that way yourself?

There's nothing wrong with the human body, and if we had not lost our fur, we would not have considered covering it up. I suppose it comes down to motive. Is someone trying to offend you or not?

Some people I saw in Wetherspoons later that week said I should inform the police, and this guy was definitely a perv. But perhaps they just don't like him.

They saw it as sexual harassment. I began to agree. Then, after delivering a lecture on how disgusting it was, I stood up and my skirt fell off. It was definitely not planned. The zip had just gone.

The internet's not much use here. Even if you do see it as a high tech version of flashing, how much does it matter? Some sites say it doesn't matter at all.

Others say you must report it before something worse happens. This is the first step on the road that leads to incest, paedophilia, bestiality, arson and stealing babies' ice creams.

It does seem a bit harsh to mention it to the police. It's also only an academic possibility. The police station in Abergavenny is closing down. It'll be like the Wild West from now on.
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 4:45 am    Post subject: streak Reply with quote

We had a friend whose father regularly disappeared for days and weeks at a time when he was a kid. He thought nothing of it. He thought his father was away on business trips.

When he was 16, his mother told him that he was now old enough to know the truth. His father was not away on business. He was always in and out of prison for exhibitionism.

He was not a flasher in a conventional sense. He was just addicted to appearing in public places naked. Our friend was sufficiently incensed to beat his father up, after which they did not speak for years.

They lived in the north of England, and his father was frequently taken in for questioning about the Yorkshire Ripper murders. I'm a bit at a loss as to why the police thought his record made him a likely candidate. Perhaps they were clutching at straws.

Following an old fashioned custom which is now almost obsolete, our friend had the same first name as his father as well as the same surname. I don't know if he ever suspected himself that his father really was the Yorkshire Ripper. If he had been, our friend's name would be as notorious as that of Peter Sutcliffe today.

Even Sutcliffe now goes by Peter Coogan. He has adopted his mother's family name - to distance himself from himself, presumably.

Our friend had a flatmate who used to be my flatmate, a nasty little woman who turned out to be a compulsive thief who thought people were put on earth so she could exploit them. She was expecting a visit from an admirer.

She told my friend Liz, ''Hey, I'm just seeing what I can get out of him. I'm not interested in him because he's short and fat!'' This woman was herself four foot eleven and almost totally spherical.

Liz replied mentally, ''So, at least you've got two things in common!'' By a heroic effort, she didn't say it aloud.

The poor dupe came around. He caught sight of our friend, and exclaimed, ''Good God, who is that man? He looks like Peter Sutcliffe!'' Our friend must have been traumatised. He appeared the next day clean shaven, in an attempt to modify his appearance.

When Liz recounted this to me, I was confused as to why the police would ever have suspected our friend's father of being the Yorkshire Ripper. I also thought they were taking public nudity too seriously.

I said, ''Is it really wrong at all?'' We were not that far away from the 70s and 80s when there had been a craze for streaking, often at cricket and football matches. The person normally ended up being arrested, but no one seemed to think it mattered much.

Liz replied sensibly that context was all. Streaking at a cricket match was an expression of high spirits. No one felt threatened by it. Even if you were physically at the cricket match, it didn't seem real. It was like seeing it on TV.

But, in the case of our friend's father, the motive was apparently to shock and offend. I suppose it is scary.

He didn't have anything that people hadn't seen before but that was not the point. There is such a taboo against public nudity that if someone breaches it, it makes you wonder what else they might do. It suggests they might be dangerous.

While cogitating on this, I remembered that Dafydd ap Geler Thomas and I also perpetrated a slow motion streak in 1987. It was long before the days of phone cameras, but it was phone related.

I only rented a bedsit in Cardiff during the university term. It was the vacation, and I wanted to give my adoptive parents a reason for my non appearance in Llanelli that evening.

Dafydd's phone had been cut off. He suggested that we should go to the phone kiosk on the traffic island opposite, naked but for footwear, adding ''Won't that be fun?''

It sounded like fun at the time. Alas, there was a coin stuck in the slot. We had to go on a much longer trek under the bridge to Richmond Road where there was a phone booth outside the Jehovah's Witness Meeting House.

As we went under the bridge, the passenger door of a car stuck in a traffic jam opened, and some guy got out to have a better look. His friend dragged him back in again. He had a glazed and daft expression but didn't seem to be traumatised.

Perhaps it was wrong. While I was speaking on the phone, we were also engaged in an activity which might have upset a passer by, had there been one.

But no one noticed. We returned merrily and the universe continued. I was no more than 20, and it did seem like fun, although it would have been less amusing if we had met a police officer. This was long before the days of total camera surveillance of streets.

We didn't think we'd done any harm. When Simon Marcus Caines accused us of being mad and other undesirable things, Dafydd jumped up and down, thumping the furniture and shouting ''Bullshite!''

Marcus's argument wasn't very good. He had nothing against public nudity as such. But he thought it should be introduced tactfully. Dafydd said, ''We were tactful. We didn't have a brass band proclaiming our coming.''

Marcus really lost the argument, I felt, when he recommended Adolf Hitler as someone who introduced social change in a polite and non-abrasive manner, unlike ourselves.

Given my own past, would it be hypocritical to complain about Tarquin? Does it matter if it is? The point at issue is not whether it's appropriate to be an old fuddy duddy, unlike my former self. The point is: Will he go on to do anything worse and is he dangerous?

Last edited by marianneh on Wed Nov 22, 2017 1:02 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 5:33 am    Post subject: Hows About That Then? Reply with quote

' Look North', the local TV news outlet in the north of England where my real parents live, did a series of breathless, awestruck pieces about Jimmy Savile after his death. They covered his funeral reverentially, observing, 'Jimmy Savile Gets the Princess Diana treatment.'

When extremely unsavoury allegations began to emerge a year later, they took a defensive and protective line, giving a platform to local people who said it couldn't be true. But they also began to receive stories from local residents who had witnessed 'indecent behaviour' by Savile.

One woman told 'Look North' that she had been working in an optician's show room in Leeds. She had gone round to make a home visit to Jimmy Savile's mother with a range of different glasses' frames. Savile's mother was presumably housebound, and couldn't make the journey into the city centre.

While the young optician was showing her a range of glasses, Jimmy Savile came in. Apparently, he dropped his track suit bottoms in front of the guest, revealing a throbbing great erection. He exclaimed proudly, ''Howzabout that, then?''

Contributors to the internet said they fell about laughing when they heard this on the news. I don't think they were laughing at the poor optician. They were laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Yes, it is laughable when you hear about it as an anecdote. It like giggling at the series called 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents,' because we've heard on nature programmes about some primates flashing their genitals as a show of dominance or to impress their peers. This behaviour is called 'presenting' by biologists.

But it wasn't very funny for the poor optician. She must have felt threatened and been in a state of shock. The usual thought that occurs in a situation like this is, ''How can I get out of this situation as quickly as possible, without showing panic?''

I think the natural feeling is that if you show fear, something terrible will happen.

Jimmy Savile has now been posthumously accused of every major sexual perversion except bestiality but not excluding necrophilia. This doesn't mean that every man who gets his genitals out inappropriately will follow the same career path, but it always remains a possibility.

When we first heard stories about Savile, I thought they might well not be true. But then, my partner told me that he had seen Savile behaving oddly if not illegally with a girl at a Mensa meeting in1974.

My partner is very truthful so I don't doubt the truth now. In any case, Savile said he did all this in a awful book published in the 70s.
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