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marianneh



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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 9:46 pm    Post subject: the wrong side Reply with quote

At the beginning of Moritz's third Evita video, the narrator begins to say that Evita was born on the wrong side of the tracks. I cringed because I thought she was going to say 'the wrong side of the blanket' - just the sort of thing my mad Christian friend Judy would say!

Evita had to suffer vicious snobbery as well as so much prejudice on other grounds. She wrote in her autobiography of how injustice burnt into her.

As a supporter of disability rights, I have to record approvingly that she greeted lepers and those suffering from TB with kisses. Snobs thought Evita should not be allowed to forget where she came from. (She never had done.)

They said a monkey dressed in silks was still a monkey. Eva had such thick common ankles! Evita had been a skinny waif who had known hunger.

The fact is she could not cast off her past even in a pink presidential palace. She died of uterine cancer at 33. Might it have been because she had been seduced by some no good Lothario when she was only 15? The younger you become sexually active, the more likely you are to get cancer of the uterus.

And might she have lacked the physical resources to fight the disease because she had suffered malnutrition at a young age? The effects of early poverty remain with you.

RIP Evita.
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Moritz



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PostPosted: Tue Jul 25, 2017 11:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
The trouble is, that this takes no account of the law of unintended consequences. Some say tha revenge is a dish best eaten with two spoons, but I wouldn't go that far.


What does that even mean?

Revenge is a dish best served with chocolate sauce. makes sense. Even best served cold sorta kinda makes sense, What do 2 spoons do?
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Wed Jul 26, 2017 1:39 am    Post subject: wolf Reply with quote

Presumably it is a dish you want to wolf down so fast that one spoon is not sufficient. Revenge is a dish best eaten cold probably means that if you take some time to plan, you' re less likely to do something really stupid and reckless that gets you into trouble.

An example of someone who did not take enough time to think it through was Vicky Pryce the economist, the ex-wife of Chris Huhne. She was so anxious to 'nail' him as she put it that she revealed secret information which could get him put in jail.

She succeeded, but at the cost of going to prison herself. This is covered by the saying, 'If you seek revenge, dig two graves.' A more appropriate adage for Evita is 'the best form of revenge is success.' She is embalmed and -as it were- immortal. Who will remember the carpers?


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marianneh



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 10:47 pm    Post subject: And Christian hateth Mary that Christ kissed in Galilee Reply with quote

Sue Lloyd-Roberts consulted the current website for the Sisters of Our Lady of Charity.It mentions vows of poverty, chastity and obedience, and a vocation for the spiritual life. It has nothing whatsoever to say about care, compassion and service to the community.

But Sue conceded that the nuns did provide a service of a sort to society's rejects.In the course of over 200 years, it is possible that some of them treated their charges with sympathy instead of abuse.

In Victorian times, the idea was especially fashionable that fallen women should be removed from society to prevent their contaminating the community. In Ireland, this did not just mean former prostitutes down on their luck, but unmarried mothers, some of whom were the victims of rape or incest. Some were even imprisoned for being pretty, to prevent their falling in the first place.

With independence in 1922, the new state inherited the Magdalene laundries, so called because Mary Magdalene had become identified with the unnamed woman who 'was a sinner', who washed Jesus' feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.

93% of the population was Catholic. The state worked in tandem with the Church to the extent that the gardai would pick up escaped Magdalenes and return them to the custody of nuns. ''Call itself a Free State!'', said Dafydd in disgust.

A cash strapped government was happy to delegate what passed for social welfare to the Church which ran the schools, orphanages and hospitals. In 1931, nine years after independence, Mary O' Connor was born in a Mother and Baby Home run by nuns.

She may have been allowed a few months with her mother within the walls of the home. But Mary's mother would undoubtedly have been told that she had sinned, and Mary was the evidence of that sin.Her mother would have been made to understand that they had no right to a life together.

Some of the babies in the home were adopted, but Mary had to pay a higher debt to society than many for the crime of illegitimacy.She was put in one of the children's homes known as an industrial school. Although they were financially supported by the state, the children also had to work, and the nuns were old hands at evading government inspections.

For six years, Mary was able to attend lessons at the local school, but the inmates of the home were segregated from the other pupils. They had to sit at the back of the class. They also had to arrive and leave separately, the clatter of their hobnailed boots announcing their coming. The locals referred to them as 'whores' droppings.'

At eleven, Mary was withdrawn from school so she could scrub three long corridors every morning, and work on the nuns' farm. Any slacking or defiance was treated with severity, not to say sadism.

A nun once made some poisonous remark to Mary. Mary said what she thought. The nun ominously removed her heavy leather belt which she proceeded to wield as a weapon, leaving open bleeding wounds on Mary's back and hips. The scars remained on her hips all her life.

At 16, Mary was once so hungry that she risked scrumping apples from the orchard. She was detected, and deposited at the High Park Convent in Dublin. She was told she would have to work in the laundry until she learnt to stop stealing. She was there for 14 years. Her later comment was, ''You get less for murder these days.''

The routine was designed to depersonalise, even dehumanise the inmates. Mary had her head shaved. She had to wear a cap, apron and a long serge skirt. She was no longer called Mary. She was told she would have to answer to Attracta. She resisted the name change for two weeks.

But a session in the punishment cell broke her spirit, so she could do no other than give in. The cell was called 'the Hole'.

The inmates had to rise at six for Mass, then go straight to the laundry for 'heavy, heavy' work. Except for breaks for meals, it went on until 8.30 pm.

At 24, Mary could take no more. She noticed that a ground floor window had been left open. In the night she crept down from the dormitory and squeezed out of the window.

She says, ''I had never been out in the world in my life. All I knew was the world of nuns and priests.'' She asked the way to the parochial house. She really thought she could trust the priest to help her.

She knocked. The priest invited her into the parlour. She blurted out her story. He began to rub her knee as she spoke. He then dropped his trousers, and rammedd his penis inside her. She was crying uncontrollably, protesting, ''You're hurting me!''

He explained that he was only trying to help her, and promised her sixpence. It was just between them. It was then that she became aware that he had summoned a police car. It was waiting to take her back to the laundry.

The nuns dismissed her story, put her in 'the Hole' and clipped her head to the bone. She was ordered to abase herself by kissing the floor in front of the assembled inmates, and promise not to do it again. But Mary baulked at this, and couldn't be forced to comply.

The nuns must have employed a fair amount of double think. If Mary's story was not true, how was it that she had become pregnant when she had only been to the parochial house? They didn't bother to ponder the mystery but sent her to a Mother and Baby Home.

Mary called her daughter Frances Christian. She wasn't invited to the christening, so she didn't know that the baby was baptised Carmel. Mary breastfed the child for a year.

She was then told she would have to go back to the laundry as it was where she had come from. She explained that she couldn't leave her daughter. She was all she had.

She was just told that the baby would be well looked after, and she shouldn't try to look for her. 'The work was getting less and less; they were letting some of the women out of the laundry.'

Mary was 27 when she was released from the laundry. She left Ireland and began to work in a dry cleaner's in London. She married an Englishman Bill Merritt, and they finally ran their own business.

Mary seemed strong and composed in public. But Bill knew that she still woke screaming in the night. Mary now abominated the thought of returning to Ireland, but she sometimes did it to search forlornly for her daughter. She applied to the nuns for information. They told her they knew nothing, which was a lie.

Carmel did not even find out that she had been adopted until she was already grown up. She traced Mary through a British post adoption agency in 1999.

Mary hated to have to go back to Ireland, but she agreed to do it, in order to speak to Sue Lloyd-Roberts. To give herself confidence, she cut and dyed her hair and bought a smart ensemble of clothes. On the same trip, she was to meet Carmel for only the second time in the latter's adult life.

She asked Carmel anxiously, ''You don't blame me, do you?'' ''Of course not'', said Carmel.

Mary received compensation but she was still angry. She gave evidence to the McAleese Inquiry, and some of it - such as the rape by the priest- was just ignored.

She said, ''They took my life; they took my human rights; they took my hair; they took my clothes; they took my name, and they also took my daughter which was the worst of all.''
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dai



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PostPosted: Fri Jul 28, 2017 10:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You seem to leave this story open for interpretation but how would you translate it into such things as human rights or civil religion ? Surely the problems of both The Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland have resulted from Hierocracy i.e. unaccountable religious leaders wielding political power ? When Dev did the unforgivable and instituted The Catholic Church in the Constitution albeit he paid lipservice to other private religious groups he arguably had to do so because The State was bankrupt and heavily dependent upon The Catholic Church's educational, medical and social services provision. He did not dare do what had been done elsewhere - even in Italy - where in the 19c in " Catholic " countries The Catholic Church had its property nationalised. What about the comparison to be made with Poland in the 20c/21c ?

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-people-let-the-church-have-so-much-power-in-Poland

... The only real subject to be discussed seriously about Church at this point is money - for example, Polish citizens are “forced” to support the Church as a certain percentage of taxes is directly given to this religous instituion … while the Church itself is already quite rich. Poland is one of the last christian countries where Church and State aren’t clearly separated. Of course part of this money goes back to Polish people through charity or other social actions. But even for me State and Church should split once and for all. ...

https://www.economist.com/blogs/easternapproaches/2013/05/poland-0

POLISH media are notoriously wary of confronting the powerful Catholic Church. Until recently, at least. On May 23rd TVN24, a news channel, ran a half-hour programme about child abuse by priests. It was the second in just a few weeks. ... The show featured three case studies in which only one victim showed his face—and he was speaking from Canada. The reports illustrated the hostility and disbelief victims face in Poland when they tell their stories. They highlighted the Church’s stubborn refusal to take any responsibility as an institution and, worse, the individual priests’ apparent sense of impunity.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2011/apr/05/catholic-church-power-in-poland

... Anyone wondering whether modern day Poland is still a fervently Catholic country should head to the Tesco in Swiebodzin, near the German border. There, on the rocky hill opposite the supermarket, is the newest, most audacious religious icon in all of Europe, if not the world: a 33-metre high, rather crudely carved statue of Jesus, which volunteers from the town, along with prisoners on day release from the local jail, have been building for the last 10 years. ... ... ...

... That kind of open religiosity might seem alien to Brits, but it does not raise eyebrows in Poland, where a nationwide radio station is run by priests. Radio Maryja is a hardline Catholic station which its detractors claim is xenophobic, antisemitic and chauvinistic. Last week, the station was in the news for broadcasting antisemitic remarks by Jan Kobylanski, a Polish millionaire who now lives in Uruguay. "There isn't even 30% of genuine Poles in the Polish government. I hope this will change," he told the station, suggesting too many Polish MPs were tainted by Jewish blood. ...
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dai



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PostPosted: Fri Jul 28, 2017 10:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did you catch this episode of Woman's Hour on Activism ?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08yrv09

Late Night Woman's Hour: Activism
Woman's Hour

What does it mean to be an activist? From Greenham Common, to the Miner's Strike, to the Women's March, female activists have always had the power to shape the course of public debate. This month on Late Night Woman's Hour Lauren Laverne discusses activism's joys and tough choices with four women whose lives have been shaped - and threatened - by their activism.

Nimko Ali underwent FGM aged seven and spent years trying to make sense of what was done to her, before a chance encounter brought her into contact with pioneering anti-FGM campaigner Efua Dorkenoo. Nimko went on to found the charity Daughters of Eve, which has raised awareness of the threat to young girls from FGM and aims to put a stop to the practice worldwide.

Julie Bindel was fifteen and growing up in the North East of England when she became aware of the press coverage of the crimes committed by Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe. Her outrage at the portrayal of Sutcliffe's victims sparked a life of activism, and Julie later went on to set up the Justice For Women charity, which campaigns on behalf of women who fight back against, or kill, violent men.

Nicky Sadler was at the forefront of the Countryside Alliance's campaign to defend fox-hunting and involved in demonstrations such as the 400-000 strong 'Liberty and Livelihood' march in 2002, while still in her early twenties.

Mona Eltahawy is a feminist and pro-democracy activist. In 2011 she was involved in protests against the Egyptian government and was arrested by police during demonstrations in Tahrir Square. She was imprisoned and assaulted, but believes that her media profile secured her eventual release and that privileged activists should take the greatest risks.
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 5:34 pm    Post subject: y a Reply with quote

No I didn't hear it but I have seen Nimco Ali on 'Hardtalk'. I reference her in 'Children Live and Uncut.' The name Julie Bindel rings a bell as well.

I can now understand her anger at how the victims of Peter Sutcliffe were further degraded by the way the police and press discussed them. My sister was living in the area of his operations at the time, and if she was not scared of becoming a victim, my mother really was. She was annoyed when her brother-in-law laughed at his secretary for travelling with a self defence kit.

I knew nothing of that at the time. I was brought up by other people in Llanelli. I gained the impression from the news that prostitutes were very bad, and the police were reluctant to ciriticise anyone who killed them.

In 1978, a former neighbour of ours in Llanelli, a 14 year old girl, a year younger than my adopted sister, was murdered in what may have been a sexually motivated attack.

When we girls - I don't think boys were present- were given a talk in school about how we could avoid the same fate, we were somehow given the message that it was our fault that people wanted to kill us. We were advised not to go out looking for fun but to stay at home and help our mothers.

What made it all seem very unreal was that some kids at school referred to the Yorkshire Ripper as Jack the Ripper, and I knew he must be long dead.

Was it just as well I wasn't brought up with my siblings in the north? There's been much controversy about a Sikh couple who were forbidden to adopt a white child. Many years ago, I heard of a white couple adopting the son of Sikh parents and giving him the name Leo to connect him with his roots. All male Sikhs have the name Singh which means lion.

Similarly, I've heard there have been complaints about Muslim foster parents being given a child of Christian parentage. I don't know how I feel about this.

Does a child have the right to be brought up in their 'own' culture? I would say they have a right to know about it, but no obligation to be shackled by it.Richad Dawkins would say that it is a breach of a child's rights to bring them up with any religion whatsoever

African Americans have a problem with the primal wound en masse. DNA testing can give them back the roots that they were torn from by slavery.

An African American woman on the net said that she had had her mitachondrial DNA tested. It linked her to the people of Cameroon.

She told her father. He barely looked up from the newspaper.

She told her mother. She became wildly elated, and later formed close friendships with recent immigrants from Cameroon.

When Robin Williams did the daft 'Mork and Mindy' TV series in the 80s, he reported back to his home planet at the end of every episode. He said that America had 'adopted' its inhabitants. He specifically included Africans in this category.

It sounded incredibly inappropriate to redefine the Atlantic slave trade as a form of adoption. But after all, the two phenomena have similar effects on the generations that follow.


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marianneh



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PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2017 8:38 am    Post subject: mona eltahway Reply with quote

Ah yes, I've seen Mona Eltahawy on TV. She's been on Newsnight to talk about the burqa, hasn't she? I won't mention the title of her book as it is a bit embarrassing, but I do like her.

Do I like the woman who speaks for the Countryside Alliance? Not so much. Jobs may be lost if we bother to implement the hunting ban. Jobs were lost in Liverpool and Bristol with the abolition of the slave trade.

If you hunt deer, at least you can get a nice venison pie, but I've heard of 'sadists', holding stags underwater in a pond to drown them. If you chase them to the point of exhaustion and death, it's not a very clean form of execution. Foxes are inedible so it's quite pointless to hunt them from a rational point of view.


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marianneh



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PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2017 9:02 am    Post subject: The birth father Reply with quote

A book called 'The Birth Father' has some useful information. When I tentatively wrote to my real mother in 2004, I explained my dilemma.

I had no idea if she would welcome contact from me as I had so far had no feedback. It was impossible to know what her feelings were 'as I am the only person who can legally take the initiative.'

I really believed this to be true. We always heard that the natural parents of an adopted child had no right to 'interfere' in the arrangement by contacting the child, even when they were grown up. Presumably, my mother thought the same. She had signed a statement that she knew and accepted that she was giving up her parental rights 'irrevocably.'

A counsellor told me of a couple she had interviewed. They had had to give up their child, but they were now still together. They felt incredibly frustrated as they wanted to contact the child but had no way of doing so.

In 'The Birth Father', the father assumes there is nothing he can do. Even if he could find out where his grown up child was, he would not be 'allowed' to go any further.

A wise person told him, ''That's what they want you to think.'' The birth parent has given up only parental rights, not all human rights.

The sage continued, ''Any adult can approach any other adult.'' Once the child is 18, it may be difficult to find out where they are, but if you can do that, there is nothing to prevent your contacting them.

I think it may have been true that the birth parents would have found it impossible to get any helpful information about the child's whereabouts out of the state or post adoption societies. But since 2005, even this is not true. They can now apply for information in the way the adult child can.


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Moritz



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PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2017 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
She knocked. The priest invited her into the parlour. She blurted out her story. He began to rub her knee as she spoke. He then dropped his trousers, and rammedd his penis inside her. She was crying uncontrollably, protesting, ''You're hurting me!''

The nuns must have employed a fair amount of double think. If Mary's story was not true, how was it that she had become pregnant when she had only been to the parochial house? They didn't bother to ponder the mystery but sent her to a Mother and Baby Home.


Not double-think, religion is all about single-think.
Infallible popish Doctrine: consensual sex = both are guilty, therefore rape = the victim is to blame. Have you never heard of the Church of Rome before?

Remember, remember the fifth of November.
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 11:50 am    Post subject: smyllum Reply with quote

I have heard of the Roman Catholic Church, Moritz, but it appears that I am still capable of being shocked. The Scottish Child Abuse Inquiry showed some interest in Smyllum's Orphanage in Lanarkshire which was closed in 1981. It had opened in 1864, and was run for all its history by Catholic nuns, the Daughters of Charity of St Vincent de Paul.

The nuns gave 'evidence' to the inquiry. They said there was no evidence of abuse at the home.

They said this with straight faces. People were inclined to believe them.

That's how things stood until the other day when a secret mass grave was found in the grounds which contained the bodies of some 400 children, mainly babies and toddlers.


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marianneh



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PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 12:08 pm    Post subject: lewes Reply with quote

At Lewes on the Fifth [of November] they sing other verses of 'Remember, remember', such as:

A rope a rope
To hang the Pope
A piece of cheese to choke him
A tun of beer to drink his health
And a great big fire to roast him.

Don't call them intolerant. How many Marian martyrs were burnt in the market place in Lewes?


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marianneh



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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2017 7:50 am    Post subject: tes Reply with quote

Theresa McCrane says she was abused by nuns at Smyllum's Orphanage for over a decade. She says the kids went through everything you'd expect, regular beatings, were locked in dark cupboards, forced to eat their own vomit, hit over the head with a crucifix, the works.

A particular nun tried to break Theresa down so she would not be able to go to university as she so longed to do. But Theresa did go to Glasgow University. She now works as a psychologist in Norway.

This may inform her considered opinion about the impact on her psyche when she was first sexually abused by a priest at the age of eight. She had the humble womanly task of polishing the pews. The priest, pottering around the church, saw his chance and took it.

But what was really bad was that a nun came in and caught them at it. Instead of being angry with the priest, she shouted abuse at Theresa, calling her a whore; she threw her roughly across the room.

It was only a few days later that it occurred to Theresa that her arm was broken. What is really embittering and traumatic is not the original sexual assault but that it is she who was punished for it with a broken arm.

So Moritz was right about nuns holding the victim to blame. But what's this about consensual sex between adults?

Both parties are guilty? Que? Where does the guilt come in? Are they not having a bit of innocent fun as God intended?
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dai



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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2017 8:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have I not told you about my relationship with The Woman of The North ? The whole point of it was not sex but guilt : a refugee from Catholicism into Quakerism and can quote Q and use it to manipulate others better than a Jesuit can argue with a Rabbi whereas I compulsively take the piss out of ideologies of all sorts so you can guess how we might fall apart - it is a sort of fight / flight syndrome in which she turns to me to drive away the thing which frightens her whereas I compulsively draw it near and make fun of it - because it is in her head and she fervantly believes in it like a catechism and therefore she drives me away or runs away i.e. because I expose her beliefs to herself. ... My sister is much the same which is why she increasingly abused me before driving me over the edge and then suing me into bankruptcy and is still not finished.

Trust me to try to marry my sister ... but not my mother : she was beyond the pail.
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Moritz



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PostPosted: Thu Oct 05, 2017 11:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
So Moritz was right about nuns holding the victim to blame. But what's this about consensual sex between adults?

Both parties are guilty? Que? Where does the guilt come in? Are they not having a bit of innocent fun as God intended?

Infallible doctrine of popish church comes out of the Pope's arse.
Pope has the infallible power to invent any doctrine he likes.

Ever since Pope Joan, there is a ceremony to check that the pope is male. Pope sits on a throne with a hole. Deacon reaches through the hole and swears
habet duos testiculos et bene pendentes

Deacon ought to check whether Pope has an arsehole to create new doctrine.
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2017 8:14 pm    Post subject: scully Reply with quote

In a pub the other evening, I heard local and Australian people dicussing the view that you shouldn't hit your kids as if you did, you might end up killing them. ''How ridiculous!'' they exclaimed. They agreed with each other that it was necessary to hit kids to cure them of violent tendencies.

On the TV screen in the corner meanwhile, the story was relayed of the fitness instructor who had hit his eighteen month old adopted daughter repeatedly on the head to cure her of being a 'psycho' and 'Satan in a babygro.' She was now dead and he had been convicted of murder.

We have no concept of illegitimacy now. Why had this baby who had been adopted two weeks earlier and renamed Elsie Scully Hicks, been on the adoption meat market at all? The baby's real name was Shayla O'Brien. When she was born in November 2014, her nice mother was a bit chaotic and dependent on drugs. But Shayla's extended family 'loved her unconditionally.'

They wanted to look after her, but the adoption racket has made a come back over the last decade. Someone was given a bonus for placing Shayla for adoption with an upwardly mobile couple in Llandaff, Cardiff.

Ten years ago, a boy in Monmouthshire said, ''My mum is not only my mother.
She's my best friend.'' So he was placed for adoption. The current child rearing orthodoxy is that you should not be your child's best friend. If you are, you will not be able to inculcate moral values.

Shayla was always being taken to hospital when in the care of Matthew Scully Hicks and his husband. She had all sorts of injuries. But the health visitor thought she was making good eye contact with them. She was probably watching their movements because she was terrified of them.

Health visitors are paid to be opinionated. But sometimes, humility and flexibility are more valuable. I think of the spokesman from Barnardos who said, a decade ago, ''We know that if children are adopted, it will be in their interests.''

But they couldn't possibly have known that for a fact. Adoption agencies now accept that the adoption practices of the 60s were wrong. It is acknowledged that the needs of mothers and babies were, at best, misunderstood, and at worst, ridden roughshod over.

But they say that adoption today is great. No, it is not. Sarah Vine, the journalist who is married to Michael Gove, and still manages to be the most stupid person in the household, says that the murder of Shayla two weeks after her adoption, was tragic as the transaction would normally have been a very happy time.

It may or may not be a happy time for the adoptive parents. Adoption is not a happy time for the baby, no, not ever!

It is not cosy, nice or cute. It is the latest act in a series of traumas that the baby will never recover from. It takes the biscuit that Shayla's real family were not even informed of her death until months afterwards. But then, in the days of closed adoption, they would never have been told at all.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:59 am    Post subject: heidi Reply with quote

After the fall of Communism, there was quite a fashion for Americans using Russia as a human resource for adoptable children. But Russia has discontinued the scheme, as nineteen children from Russia have been murdered by adopters, and others have suffered terrible abuse.

Back in the 80s, Heidi Koseda's grandmother was anxious to bring her up, but was held to be too old under strict rules that then obtained. Instead, Heidi was allowed to be starved to death at the age of three by her stepfather and schizophrenic mother.

More recently, a little girl was placed with her father because it was known that her mother kept telling her she was horrible. That is exactly how my adoptive mother spoke to me, and I know how it saps your self esteem. But the girl's stepmother was even worse. She murdered her.

I was haunted by the story of the five year old boy who was beaten to death by his stepfather because he had lost one of his trainers in the park. His mother had not been warned about her partner's criminal record.

A child is between forty and a hundred times more likely to die at the hands of a stepfather than a real father. It is like adult bears killing the cubs of females they want to mate with. You can understand that this might happen when a step-parent comes into a child's life in an ad hoc sort of way.

But Scully Hicks and his husband had made a conscious decision to adopt Shayla. What went wrong?

They may have been expecting too much from her or just something else. She may not have been able to bond with them because she was suffering from the primal wound. Perhaps they took it personally. Quite ordinary traits in adopted infants are often interpreted as abnormal by adoptive parents.

This is because of the lack of a biological connection. They don't have anything in common with the child.

Literature such as 'Silas Marner', 'Heidi', 'Anne of Green Gables' and 'Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm' tell redemptive stories where adopted children transform crusty old adults into delightful transfigured beings. It's important to remember that this is fiction based on wishful thinking. It doesn't happen in real life.

Celebrities like Angelina Jolie, who are always adopting, have an addiction to adoption. They shouldn't be admired. They need help.


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marianneh



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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2017 1:16 am    Post subject: never Reply with quote

Adoption is never a very good thing. But it can be a necesary evil. It will usually be better than institutionalised care.

But many children who are placed for adoption these days are not babies. They are older children who are in effect the human equivalent of rescue dogs. They have often faced challenging and abusive situations. Children like this, are not obviously lovable.

They are often full of self loathing and will sabotage their own welfare at every turn. If you iron their sheets and clothes, they will spoil them. They don't think they deserve nice things.

Some people say, hopefully, that they are testing the love of their adoptive parents by being difficult. According to this hypothesis, they do want it, but find it hard to believe it is real.

Perhaps it is truer to say that they reject the adoptive parents in every detail. Often these arrangements break down, and the exhausted parents return the kid to sender.

When I hear people say they are thinking of adopting children, I feel I have to give them a slight healthy horror of it. At the least, you need to be a strong, resilient person.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2017 1:36 am    Post subject: changeling Reply with quote

A child who is premature and spends its early weeks or months in an incubator may not be able to bond with parents after that. This can be all it takes to give a child the primal wound.

In the Middle Ages, wealthy people often sent their un-house trained children to live with a peasant wetnurse. They thought the child would be less of a nuisance like that.

Then when they had the child back, they were dismayed that they could not bond with it. It felt as if it was not their child at all. They often suspected that the baby had been changed in the cradle by a mischievous fairy or demon or incubus.

Their own child, whom they would have been able to love, had been stolen away. What had been left in its place was a changeling, a wicked supernatural entity. They believed this literally, and reacted with hatred and violence to the little imp of Satan.

The sending of children to live with a lower class wetnurse, was a custom that continued into at least the eighteenth century. It happened to Jane Austen. The genteel parents did not want their children back until they could stop leaking, sit up straight and answer politely and meekly when spoken to.

As Elaine Morgan said, in Jane Austen's novels, mothers who enjoy romping with small children and having their hair messed up by them, do not get a good press. It is as if their ability to enjoy the company of their own small children, is unreal and somehow hypocritical.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2017 8:34 am    Post subject: our kev Reply with quote

In the Republic of Ireland, the social attitudes of older people are closer to those my real mother would have encountered in her youth. A friend in her late teens was playing with a toddler who had a close family resemblance to her, in the back of a pub.

One of the patrons glared at her and ostentatiously turned his back on her. She didn't look old enough to be married, so he assumed the boy was her 'illegitimate' son. ''Oh, this is my nephew, by the way'', she explained. ''Oh sorry'', said the intolerant person, and his demeanour changed at once.

People had been wondering for months why her friend Connie was wearing concealing clothes and waddling, although she had never been fat.''Connie's walking like a duck!'', they noted.

Then Connie one day gave birth alone in an abandoned building on a heap of newspaper. The baby was adopted of course.

Kevin Myers who writes for the Irish Times and previously wrote for the Times, is always boasting about how 'sensitive' he is. I suppose this means he is touchy, as he is clearly not sensitive to other people.

He wrote that women had no automatic right to equal pay. They had to prove they were worthy of it, which he didn't accept.

The best paid women columnists were Jews which was sinister. He also referred to cash currying whelp dropping by mothers of bastards. 'You don't like the word 'bastard', do you?', he gloated,'I thought you wouldn't.'

As he sees it, he is telling it like it is. It's impossible to have a reasoned or sensitive discussion with someone who uses words as weapons in this way.

The words die in your throat. What is the point of trying to have a conversation with someone like this? He really thinks that the children of unmarried mothers are qualitatively different from other children, and are not entitled to the same rights.

Kevin Myers also writes, 'There was no holocaust...I'm a holocaut denier, but I also believe the Nazis planned the extermination of the Jewish people.' This is the calibre of well paid columnists today.
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