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marianneh



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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2017 9:35 am    Post subject: et tu, Brute? Reply with quote

We had a friend who was a child of a mixed race marriage. He had been extremely unhappy in boarding school, and was often subjected to racism.

We did sympathise. At least, I did.

But sometimes, I wonder why. A disabled person put it to our friend 'Brutus', that he felt at one with him. He too had suffered discrimination.

Brutus rejected the hand of brotherhood with a superior smile. ''Being black isn't a disability'', he smirked. When Dafydd said that it was a double handicap to be born black and a woman, Brutus said, ''Are you calling my sister handicapped?'', as if he had insulted her.

Brutus was once charged with a serious crime. The case was dropped, and I'm trying to keep an open mind on his guilt or innocence. But we knew for a fact that he made several unsuspecting people high on hard drugs by spiking the food or drink he gave them.

We knew this not only from anecdotal evidence. We had personal experience of it.

He really did want to exercise control over people. But he also truly believed that he was doing it for their own good, to expand their minds and open the doors of perception as it were.

No-one ever went to the police about it. If anyone even told Brutus off, he would play the victim and get extremely self righteous. He had convinced himself, if no one else, that he was doing something good.

One day, someone bothered to point out to Brutus, that people generally disapproved of him on his merits. It was not just because he was black, as he believed.

Unfortunately, the person used a taboo word, a bit of racist slang. It was a red rag to Brutus, who threw him across the garden and kicked his head in.

Brutus behaved badly when his ex-girlfriend became pregnant by someone else. He followed her around and sent her abusive letters. It was as if she had no right to have a child by someone else.

He referred to her as 'the woman who's meant to be mine', and toyed with the idea of sending pornographic pictures of her to her parents. He said to me, ''I hope she dies in childbirth.''

I refused to lose my temper. That was what I felt he wanted. I said equably, ''Well, I think that's highly unlikely, in this day and age.''

But when he referred to 'Flavia's bastard', I did object. ''Well, it's true'', he said smugly. I responded, ''People have used unpleasant words to describe you as well,Brutus. They were true too. You didn't seem to appreciate it much.''

That was my most dignified reaction. Another time, I reacted by screaming, ''You despicable hypocrite! You've enjoyed fornication, haven't you? But not as often as you wish you had! How dare you indicate that there is any disgrace in being the result of it?''

Brutus did display positive traits sometimes. But a tipping point came for me when my partner told me about how he'd allowed Dai and Brutus to use a house he then owned.

Dai had paid him for it, although he hadn't been asked to. Brutus stole things including the vacuum cleaner. If it had been a sachet of sugar, I would have thought nothing of it.

But a vacuum cleaner is not a small item. This was not absent minded acquisition or even petty pilfering. It is theft from a friend who has only been good to you.

The scales fell from my eyes. I thought, 'Why did we ever see Brutus as a friend? He's just a nob!'


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marianneh



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PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2017 5:55 am    Post subject: ex Reply with quote

According to Adoption UK, adopted children are far more likely to be excluded from school than other children. And they are all the more damaged by it as it is 'the ultimate rejection' on top of what they have experienced before.

I don't know if the controversial suggested diagnosis of 'adopted child syndrome' has any validity. But we must get away from the idea propounded by nincompoops like Sarah Vine, that adoption is something wonderful and glittery. It has nothing to do with snowflakes and kittens,schnitzels with noodles or brown paper packages tied up with string.
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dai



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PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2017 12:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

" Brutus " also assaulted somebody ? It is a troubling thing to me that I still have positive feelings towards him ... As to paying to use two rooms of the house whilst mine was being wrecked by builders I remain very grateful and it was a very generous and caring gesture and whilst I could not afford to pay for it at the time I do not think that my giving some money to acknowledge the help given to me some two years or more later was really paying for it - I still have not paid the full cost of it to your friend twenty years later.
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2017 3:56 am    Post subject: brute Reply with quote

I would overlook that specific incident as he had just been called the 'n' word. He might have taken it out of context, but that is not entirely the point.

I'm in no position to take a superior stance. Within the last twelve months, I've reacted to being insulted by throwing innocent inanimate objects around like a puerile child. We're only human.

But getting people high on hallucinogenic drugs without their knowledge or consent - and at least one of the victims was on the edge of psychosis anyway in Karin's view - is also assault, and in this case it was premeditated. I also think it was sadistic, although he is in denial about that.

It shows how far gone he is that he was extremely indignant that people didn't appreciate it! I've also heard of his pushing his tenants around. He is domineering if you give him an inch. He can't imagine a relationship based on respect and equality.

I know how much you appreciate my partner's goodness, but Brutus didn't. He saw it as weakness which he could exploit. Because we have memories of him going way back, we tend to see him through a fondly indulgent haze of nostalgia.

I don't feel especially annoyed with him myself. But he's not someone you can have a mature and satisfying relationship with. You would always have to be humouring and propitiating him. What's the point if he's just going to exploit you? I can't be bothered any longer.

Perhaps I should have said that I can't imagine having a satisfying relationship with him. On a post somewhere on this site, I read your words about how you had had a close friendship with someone for years until he accused you of not understanding how awful it was for him in this racist society.

After a bit, it occurred to me that you meant Brutus. I was astonished. I thought, 'Does he [Brutus] have qualities I've overlooked, or is Dai just projecting his own virtues onto him?'

Although he and Dafydd were friends in a sense, Dafydd had no illusions about his flaws. I'll say no more about that as this is a public site.

I did think Brutus was beginning to mature after he came through the case that was dropped. But you and Dafydd thought the opposite. It was then that you stopped having much to do with him.
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2017 1:25 pm    Post subject: exclude Reply with quote

Adopted children are said to be twenty time more likely to be excluded from school than other children. Your early experiences stay with you.

It is hard to concentrate or to organise yourself. And teachers do not make allowances.

I smiled when reading of this. When I was in the sixth form, the teachers sometimes took advantage. We were above the minimum school leaving age, so they could arbitrarily threaten us with expulsion. There was no legal requirement for us to be in school anyway.

Once, the announcement was made that all sixth form pupils who had forgotten to bring their printed timetables to school, would be expelled on the spot.

I thought, ''Oh no!'' That morning, I'd tipped my schoolbag upside down before leaving the house, while looking for something essential.The printed timetable fell onto the carpet.

I looked at it in contempt, and haughtily declined to pick it up. The announcement was just a bluff. Otherwise, I would have been one of those unfortunate adopted kids, excluded from school for being disorganised.


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marianneh



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PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2017 6:44 pm    Post subject: carrie Reply with quote

Emma Buck was an unfortunate woman in Virginia in the early twentieth century. She was admitted to the State Colony for the Feeble Minded and Epileptics. She was accused of immorality, prostitution and feeble mindedness.

Her three children were brought up by foster parents. In 1927, her daughter Carrie's foster parents admitted her to a colony for the feeble minded for promiscuity and incorrigibility.

Carrie had become pregnant at the age of 17. This was considered especially heinous as she was herself illegitimate. Under new eugenic laws, the State of Virginia considered that she should be sterilised after the baby was born.

They met opposition. The case of Buck v Bell went all the way to the Supreme Court of the USA. The decision was upheld. This may have been because it was a conspiracy. Carrie's counsel had agreed with the defence to stitch her up. Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr stated that 'Three generations of imbeciles are enough.'

It was the family history of non marital sex which was taken to indicate feeble mindedness. Carrie Buck had been an average performer at school.

Shortly after the birth of her daughter Vivian, she was released form the colony on parole, but only after being sterilised. The baby Vivian was also sterilised, and placed in the care of foster parents.

I don't know if it was widely known that Carrie Buck had not , to date, enjoyed consensual sex. She had been raped by her foster parents' nephew.

Vivian Buck did rather well at school before dying of illness at the age of eight.
The woman who assessed her as 'below average' as a baby, later denied that she had ever seen her.

Carrie's younger sister was also sterilised. She thought she was going into hospital to have her appendix out. It was only when she was in her 60s, that she discovered why she had never been able to have children, something for which she had longed.

Virginia kept its sterilisation laws till the late 70s, though they may have fallen into disuse. Carrie Buck married twice but, of course, had no further children. She died in 1983.

Her comment was, ''They done me wrong. They done us all wrong.'' The Commonwealth of Virginia has expressed muted regret, with some dissident voices objecting to judging the past by the standards of today.
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Sun Nov 12, 2017 9:05 pm    Post subject: wake Reply with quote

The USA outwardly turned its back on eugenics and sterilisation after WW2. But it still continues although it is illegal. Most at risk are prisoners in state prisons, full blood Native American women and the women of Puerto Rico.

As a solution to illegitimacy, the USA favoured adoption instead. This had been going on for some time. At least one book claims that Georgia Tann who arranged hundreds of adoptions in the USA was not just a baby trafficker but a power junkie who actually killed some of the babies in her care.

In the 40s and 50s the women running the adoption facilities were especially power mad. They thought the birth mothers should be treated like toddlers. If they said they wanted to keep their babies, they should be slapped down.

The handbooks said that they needed to be told 'No!' firmly and sharply. Their problem was that they hadn't heard the word 'no' often enough as infants. If their own parents supported their wish to keep the babies, they needed to be disciplined too.

In the 40s, Jessica Mitford was on a maternity ward in the US. She spoke to another patient, a teenage girl, Elaine. People asked Elaine about her husband.

Elaine said she didn't have a husband. She was still at high school. Even in the hospital, she was constantly tagged by a woman from an adoption agency. Jessica Mitford
took an instant dislike to the adoption lady who was 'pretending to be nice.'

It was also in the 40s, that Mitford's future friend Maya Angelou was going through teenage angst about whether she was a lesbian based on her reading
of 'The Well of Loneliness'. She had a rather masculine physique, and she didn't know the difference between lesbianism and hermaphroditism.

To test her heterosexuality, she went out and seduced a good looking boy. A few weeks later, she knew she was pregnant. She managed to keep it a secret until shortly before she gave birth, and still managed to graduate from high school.

Maya thought that she had brought shame on her family, some of whom were strict and fairly intolerant church goers. In fact, they weren't bothered at all.

They were African Americans, and they were more accepting of this sort of thing than other people. Maya's maternal uncles balked at giving any financial support to her son, now the writer Guy Johnson, but they were proud of his looks as he resembled them.

According to Rickie Solinger's 'Wake Up Little Susie', a study of adoption in the USA between 1940 and 1975, society was relaxed about unmarried mothers in the African American community. But this was based on racism not tolerance. It seemed somehow fitting that they should show themselves up, that they should be shown to be part of a hopeless underclass.

But for young white girls to have children while not under the control of husbands, aroused society's most intolerant thoughts. In 1970, the National Guard burst on to the campus of Kent State University and blasted to death female undergraduates who were either protesting peacefully against the Vietnam War, or were just making their way from one lecture theatre to another.

The country was shocked. But within weeks the story went round that these unmarried students were pregnant, venereally diseased and just plain filthy. It wasn't true, but that was all that needed to be said to convince the public that they had it coming.

The Baby Scoop Era in the USA petered out after 'Roe v Wade' legalised abortion in 1973. The title of Solinger's 'disturbing' book, 'Wake Up Little Susie' is taken form the 1957 song by the Everly Brothers. Susie's boyfriend has taken her to the cinema, telling her mother that they'll be home by ten.

''Well, Susie baby, looks like we goofed again.' It's 4 o'clock. 'Wake up little Susie, and weep... What are we going to tell your mama? What are we going to tell your pop? What're we going to tell our friends when they say ''Ooh la la''?...our goose is cooked. Our reputation is shot.''


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dai



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

With regard to " Brutus " and me - I think that I just like people who spout entertaining ideas : the trouble arises when those people are making a bid to control me and think that my holding different ideas is somehow e.g. " insulting " them i.e. they are not interested in having a conversation but want an admiring audience ... I think that you know that I am for the most part extremely laid back in allowing both adults and small children to order me around until it comes to something immoral or unethical when they start to throw tantrums because once I say " no " I mean it absolutely. " Brutus " I still like and care about - also " Blancus " - despite their misbehaviours but they just can not listen to any criticism and as such have no friends only admirers until the glamour which they project fails. Such people's solution to others not agreeing with the images which they project seems to be total hostility such that they refuse to have anything to do with them again.
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:19 pm    Post subject: then fall ceasar! Reply with quote

This is an intriguing subject, but so difficult to discuss on a public forum. Please delete anything you like after reading this.

These days the person you describe would be classed as an extreme narcissist, someone incapable of being a real friend. I would also feel like saying he was an undeveloped person.

If it was he who ditched you, he was doing you a favour in the long run. Historically, I made the same mistake with the horrible Burmese girl. I let her think I was a wimp who could be pushed around ad infinitum.

But I was only letting her have her way because the subject was not important to me.She found out her mistake eventually.

I didn't find Brutus' conversation at all interesting, but if you did, that's fine with me. Pondering your last but one post in which you expressed surprise at his committing assault, I remembered another episode which I had surprisingly forgotten.

In the late 80s, I said something to annoy him. I can't remember what it was, but it was not racist abuse. He responded by picking me up and throwing me across the room.

Unfortunately I'd just been picking up shards of a beer glass I'd broken. My instinctive reaction was to clench my fists.I was cut rather badly by the glass. Dafydd later improvised a bandage.

Brutus stormed off. Shortly afterwards, he phoned up to compare himself to Jesus throwing the money changers out of the temple! I am not joking.

I didn't forgive him until I saw him looking upset at his cat's funeral.

I don't know how I'd managed to forget that. Dafydd later admitted that he might after all be guilty of the serious crime with which he was charged.

We will never know, but he has personality traits which would be consistent with it. He does not admit guilt or imperfection. He never takes responsibility or feels remorse. Nor does he have any empathy for people he has wronged. The worse he behaves, the more self righteous and egotistical he gets!


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dai



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 8:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had not heard that story of " Brutus " throwing you across a room - that is really bad : I suppose him to just be messed up and extremely egotistic - I do not know much about his recent life but he always threw himself into his various pursuits with determination ... I found it attactive that he would absorb so much information but absurd that within say a few months he would be announcing himself to be an expert on his latest interest - mostly on the basis that he could spout more than others utterly innocent of it could ... But as I said above he can not accept a difference of view or a question of fact - let alone my compulsion to question all assertions of personal authority : I never figured him out but I remain mysteriously fond of him despite his utterly detesting me.
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 8:37 pm    Post subject: terminal germinal Reply with quote

I'm obviously not scarred for life by the incident as I managed to forget it for ages. I was angry at the time but not in the way I would be now.

It was perhaps less than two years since I'd left school. I was used to children behaving childishly and adolescents behaving like adolescents.

I was also a late developer myself. Although I was an undergraduate, I was more like a kid. This behaviour didn't shock or surprise me as it would now.

But let's say that someone aged 37 or 47 in an office setting behaved like that because someone hadn't agreed with them. What would you think of them?

I think what we see as lovable or endearing traits in Brutus might be what psychologists call massive red flags. They could be that awful narcissistic charm which is used as a weapon. It's not a character reference but a way to manipulate people.

If he's now slagging you off and being a toxic troublemaker, that is a matter for concern. But if he's just shunning you, logically you should be grateful.

Of course it's hurtful if you've been good to him. His attitude appears to be that if people are nice to him, that gives him a licence to exploit them for the rest of their lives. He doesn't appreciate it.
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dai



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have done some doubtful things myself - only a few I hope and matters of stupidity not criminality - and " Brutus " gave me company after a very lonely period in my life : it was he who introduced me to Dafydd and thus to many other long standing friends such as yourself. As you know I am a very laid back person tolerant of rudeness and eccentricities but not of cruelty and immorality. Brutus and I were very close for a couple of years but his jealousy and indifference to how others feel led to several frictions and since he can not bear criticism he could not learn from what people told him. His sister seems to be much better adjusted and as you know his girlfriend of thirty years ago is still a friend of mine and I spent some time with her last week and it was the same as it was back then with her being bright and cheerful until a difference of opinion arose between us in recalling a past incident at which she became very angry. Brutus has blacklisted both of us and once at a party when we were at either end of a sofa he deliberately sat between us in order to make a point of ignoring both of us by then referring to us obliquely thus offending the hostess who banned him from her future parties. His ex girlfriend was glowering in silence whereas I cheerily addressed him and refused to behave other than normally. He probably thought of this as a " Primal Wound " but he certainly has announced that he has a list of people whom he bears a grudge against. Perhaps my problem is that I have no such list and forgive others on an almost automatic basis ... Having said that I myself can not bear to talk to Lil'Sis because she betrayed not so much myself as our whole family in her pursuit of control over probate : the poisonous hatred which she suddenly and then steadily poured out towards me has been truly shocking. Yet I will probably end up forgiving the harm which she did to me and take an interest in her welfare as I still inquire after " Brutus " and " Blancus " ( who still talks to Phil.)
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:38 pm    Post subject: gwgu Reply with quote

It's difficult. I'm not taking the masochistic Christian line that we are all miserable sinners, but it is true that we've all screwed up. I hate cruelty but on a few rare occasions, I have been cruel. I've also been so thoughtless that it amounts to cruelty in practice.

I feel terrible about it. I don't want to rush to judge others, but perhaps you can see a difference between Brutus and some of us. He doesn't feel remorse because as you say, he is indifferent to others.As for the jealousy, is he jealous generally or just about 'Flavia' having moved on with her life and having a son who is now 26, by somebody other than himself?

Yes, we wouldn't know each other if it wasn't for Brutus. I met my partner in Brutus' flat. If it was not for a series of introductions that began with Brutus, my sons would not be here. I don't know if he deserves any credit.

It's interesting to hear about his list of grudgees. Probably, few of them know what they have done to offend him.

As you say, he's not going to learn from his mistakes as he doesn't acknowledge them. Everyone says that he was given the sack from Whitchurch for giving people the wrong dosages of psychiatric drugs, except himself. He says it was because he was black.

There is a lot of racism around, but he also uses it strategically to avoid taking responsibility for anything.The one thing I sympathise about is that his mother may have been an extremely difficult woman. I met his sister, 'Ophelia', only at their mother's funeral.

Ophelia was charming. I know she once had a very enlightening conversation with my friend Liz Jones who is now a Ukip front runner of all things. Liz wouldn't tell me the details as she feared I'd be indiscreet. But I understand it was detailed and extremely interesting.
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:21 am    Post subject: what a brute! Reply with quote

Anybody who hasn't met Brutus, and has just read our posts on the subject, would probably think he is a horrible individual. That's what you would conclude if you look at his behaviour from the point of view of unimaginative conventional morality.

There is another way to look at the situation. You could say that he has serious emotional or personality problems.But don't make the mistake of trying to help him.

You can't fix him. You're jut putting yourself at risk, and I don't just mean physically. By associating with him, you're giving him ammunition in any smear campaign he might launch against you in the future.
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I presume that you have heard me speculate as to why this particular group of people have hung around together often so intimately for most of our adult lives. I told you about the guy who was living in the car but not about how intensely involved I became with him for several months giving him some help and a lot of company. This had a similar feel to it that my relationship with " Brutus " had and recently it came to an abrupt end with him cutting me out of his life alleging that he had never been so hurt or insulted because I criticised him. My patience ran out because he was manipulsting me and in my laid back way I let it happen because I knew that he was doing it because he was insecure but his lack of regard for my own needs began to grate on me. Instead of such a person developing trust it seems that they become more and more controlling and it is akin to them having an addiction and a need to control absolutely their supply of what they desire so that they end up not just manipulating but coercing their supply - me.

This does sort of connect with " The Primal Wound " theme because this addiction has its roots deep in the psyche and I suppose it must develop in infancy as an failure to experience others as individuals with their own needs. Both " Brutus " and " Blancus " and this recent guy all have a kind of childlike charm and a sort of infant helplessness yet they are also rude to and lecture us, denigrating us whilst extolling themselves, neglecting our needs whilst demanding that we attend to their needs - and words and ideality feature strongly because they want us to admire them but fear that we might test the reality of their claims. I think that I long ago instinctively took up the habit of mocking both others and myself for doing this - but I do not think that I have escaped this game but rather play a different role within it because I am still addicted to it. It is a form of Codependency which uses ideas as its currency.
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marianneh



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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:44 pm    Post subject: aro Reply with quote

I am probably slandering the car man grossly, but I'm slightly reminded of the homeless man who murdered a woman and her 13 year old son after she took him in, tried to find him a job and otherwise help him. Of course, it's good to be supportive to the unlucky but not at the cost of your own well-being.

I think the mistake I made with the Burmese girl was to allow her to have her own way until a matter of principle was involved. I should have stood up to her much earlier just to establish my personal dignity.

I saw Brutus pushing round people who were staying in his flat, and students from SubSaharan Africa. He treated them like dirt.

I thought that he could only imagine his foot on someone else's neck or someone else's on his. He thought he had to assert dominance or he would become subservient.

In his case, I didn't give an inch. In the early years of my acquaintanceship with him, I was always shouting my head off at him. My approach to the Burmese girl was more 'gentlemanly', you might say. That was a big mistake.

On a Pagan holiday in the midlands, we were threatened with death by local Christians for being witches. If that hadn't happened, it would have been mainly memorable for Brutus behaving like a dick.

I thought I had no illusions about him, but even I was taken aback by his reaction when I said I was thinking of buying some tarot cards as they were so pretty. Brutus exploded in anger, exclaiming that I had no right to do that.

According to him, you can beg, steal or borrow tarot cards, but on no account must you ever buy them! I gazed at him in amazement.

Karin did not appreciate my policy of shouting back at him. She thought I was just winding him up, and making him even worse. She also thought he was trying to cover up an immense inferiority complex, and not succeeding.

*Added note in April 2018: God, I'm so slow sometimes! It's only just occurred to me who Blancus is. I'm surprised he's still alive.

I'll just add something about Brutus which I appreciate may not sound very nice. I'm surprised you found his conversation entertaining or interesting.

Liz and I so totally didn't! Brutus obviously grew up in a house where there were plenty of adult books, and multi-syllabic words were in common use.

But as he said, his mother thought he was backward or autistic. I don't really think I'd say he was articulate. He uses a lot of long words without knowing what they mean.

He also tended to talk around and around a subject instead of talking about it. I seem to remember that Blancus did this too, and I don't know if one of them caught it from the other, or if it developed separately.

I said to Dafydd that Brutus was like Humpty Dumpty in 'Alice Through the Looking Glass'. When he used a word, it meant what he wanted it to mean.

Dafydd disagreed. He said that when Brutus used a word, even he didn't know what it meant. I can't think of a real life example, but a hypothetical one might be Brutus demanding in a surly tone, ''Dafydd, why are you being so serendipitous?''

When it looked as if Brutus would be appearing in court for a serious alleged offence, I said to Liz that the jury would assume from his circuitous speech, lacking in clarity, that he had something to hide. We knew that was just what he is like.

Brutus gave a long spiel to Liz which was totally impenetrable. He then asked her, ''What do you think of that?'' She collapsed in helpless laughter, as it would have been impossible to have a view on the subject or even work out what it was.

Later, she would be prepared, and if asked to express a view on his gobbledygook, would say, ''I don't know. I'm a dim tart''. My stand by in the same quandary was to say, ''Is that a kind of badger?'' Once, I said cruelly, ''Oh sorry, Brutus, would you mind saying all that again? I didn't hear a word as I was thinking of a children's programme from the 70s called The Boy from Lapland.' ''


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:57 pm    Post subject: dolfi Reply with quote

In the days of our youth I was often called Vanessa. It started as a mistake and then stuck. Brutus couldn't live with ambiguity. He objected to the usage as if it was immoral.

After all, it wasn't my real name. ''She was born Valerie!'' he said. ''Yes, it was stamped on her forehead'', said Dafydd sarcastically.

''She was adopted!'', exclaimed Liz. I amplified that I had no idea what my real name was at birth, but the one thing I did know was that it wasn't Valerie. In her narcissistic way, my adoptive mother had changed both my names.
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mmm ... My dad & tadcu used to jovially refer to me as " Dai Bach " but it never stuck ... but then there was the carpentry incident in which I was dubbed " Dai Saw " on my twentieth birthday and I cherished it because it was given to me in an affectionate way in appreciation of something significant to me and I used it as a pen name because I was amused by it because a " saw " can also mean a " proverb " and I have always liked those mischevious bits of folk wisdom e.g. quoted in an advert in New Republic for David Cay Johnstone's " The Making of Donald Trump " is Benjamin Franklin's " If you make yourself a sheep the wolves will eat you." But perhaps we should get off that subject and debate " The Primal Wound." Try reading this article about the new television dramatisation of Margaret Atwood"s " Alias Grace " - was this child a murderer or innocent - driven by The Primal Wound or lost in its pain ?

https://newrepublic.com/article/145437/hidden-powers-margaret-atwood-alias-grace-makes-subversive-television

Another " saw " - " Where I am not, there is happiness." - in -

[ oh - I can not yet find a link to " Little House, Small Government by Vivian Gornick in Dec 2017 New Republic.]


Last edited by dai on Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:58 pm; edited 2 times in total
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marianneh



Joined: 30 May 2013
Posts: 2116

PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:18 pm    Post subject: for the ride Reply with quote

Sian O' Brien, the natural grandmother of Elsie Scully Hicks aka Shayla O' Brien, has challenged the current policy of forced adoption. She has looked after Shayla's two older siblings, and has no doubt that the baby would still be alive if she had not been put up for adoption at birth.

It's terrible to think what Shayla's siblings have had to endure since finding out the truth about her fate. I wish policy makers would educate themselves about the dark side of adoption.

The dark side! Is there a light side?

I recommend an American site for adoptees only, but with some reservations. It is called 'Adoptee Rage'.

One thread on the site complains that only narcissistic controlling women want to adopt children. Their husbands just passively go along for the ride.

I readily admit that my adoptive mother was controlling, and my adoptive father was a bit inert, but this sweeping statement is misogynistic and unfair. Matthew Scully Hicks and his husband were same sex partners.

The site is also so jaundiced against the American government that it even has a link to a site claiming that Washington has routinely deceived the public about UFO encounters. This is conspiracist thinking.

With that caveat, I have to say there is also some excellent material on it. It is well worth a look.


Last edited by marianneh on Sat Nov 18, 2017 12:31 am; edited 1 time in total
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dai



Joined: 09 Feb 2007
Posts: 2749

PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2017 11:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Put your pointer on the address for the website click until it highlights then click " copy " then in these dialogue boxes point and click to the location you want it written in and click " paste."

Did you click on the New Republic link in my previous post ?
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